Ramblings on libraries and life upon the wicked stage

Is it a TARDIS?  Is it a toilet?  No, it’s…

…the Library of Doom’s new book box!  No, really.

I apologise for the quality of the image.  I am a terrible photographer and the only digital camera I have access to is truly dreadful, but I needed to include an image of this new addition to the Library of Doom, right outside my office door, as it has come to symbolise the desperation associated with working here.  You see, this bizarre item is utterly unnecessary, yet has been constructed anyway, using time and money that could surely have been utilised doing something more useful, such as mending the many broken lights around the place.

On the outside wall of this curious cabinet is a slot, open only when the library is closed, allowing insomniac students to return their books at silly o’clock in the morning.  Every morning, the box which these books slide into has to be hauled out of the cabinet and emptied, the slot has to be locked, and the box returned to its place.  The cabinet locks itself (photo taken before the installation of the lock and keyhole).  Why the need for the cabinet?  Security, to prevent random people grabbing books from the book box and making off with them.  And therein lies the Book Box of Doom’s greatest flaw.  It is only in use when the library is closed, thus there are only books to be grabbed when the library is closed, thus nobody other than library staff can access the books anyway, thus no security problem.  Yet it had to be built.  Oh, frabjous joy!

In the days since its arrival, many suggestions have been made about this intriguing curiosity.  We could paint it blue and stick a flashing light on it in the hope that the BBC will come and film an episode of Doctor Who here.  (If they do, then please oh please can I get killed by the strange monster of the week?)  We could convert the interior into a handy staff toilet, although issues were raised about the possible dangers if both toilet mode and book box mode were engaged.  We could use the top as an extra shelf, perhaps for quick reference items such as dictionaries.  We could paint a mural on the side, depicting typical library scenes (such as librarians tearing their hair out, and items of furniture attacking library assistants, one assumes).  Or we could simply smash the thing and have a bonfire.

If any of the above options are chosen, I shall of course inform my faithful readers.  Personally, I’m sure that there are many entertaining things one could do which involve hiding in there.  In the mean time, I shall simply sigh every time I pass it on the way to or from my desk.  Here stands a monument to the Library of Doom and all that it embodies.