As strange to us as if they had never lived


In December, I had the wonderful good fortune to play Ebenezer Scrooge in an adaptation of A Christmas Carol produced by new local theatre company Constant Lark. This was a joyous experience, and a wonderful character to explore. Although his name has entered the language as a synonym for miserliness, the true wonder of Scrooge is how he learns and grows over the course of the story. He is, in many ways, both protagonist and antagonist – we follow his growth, but experience all of the worst he has to offer and the harm he has done to those around him, and ultimately to himself.

Snow falls against a bright red background. Between the snow and the background is a silhouette of a man in a nightcap. Text - Constant Lark, A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. A new adaptation by Brendan Roberts.
Constant Lark’s A Christmas Carol.

This is the second production I have done with Constant Lark, having played Prospero and Gonzalo in their debut performance of Shakespeare’s The Tempest (my first Shakespeare). They have a mission to bring theatre to new audiences, inspire a new generation and bring both classic works and new writing into the light. All good stuff as far as I’m concerned.

In A Christmas Carol, I had the strange experience of spending most of the time either pretending that I couldn’t see or hear my fellow performers (when they were narrators) or having them pretend they couldn’t see or hear me (when they were characters the Spirits were showing me). An unusual acting challenge for us all, I think, and I was so impressed with how everyone else stepped in and out of narrators and an array of beautifully drawn Dickensian people.

There were many scenes which resonated with me, but one in particular which I wanted to write about. During the section about Christmas Present, I/Scrooge argued with the Spirit. The scene featured baker’s shops, where (as I understand it) poorer people would bring their dinners to be cooked, presumably unable to afford fuel or perhaps not having an oven in their dwelling. Scrooge accused the Sprit of wanting to deny the poor their chance of a hot dinner by closing these shops every seventh day – an unfortunate effect of Sunday trading regulations. As Scrooge surprisingly points out, this day is “often the only day on which they can be said to dine at all.” Surprising because this is one of the first inklings we have that Scrooge would spare a thought for the comfort or happiness of others. In the first scenes, before any supernatural occurrences have taken place, he seems to think that the poor deserve nothing from others.

Scrooge’s point is that this is being done in the name of the Ghost of Christmas Present’s family (for surely he must be related to the one Christmas is named for). And the Spirit’s reply is fascinating:

“There are some upon this earth of yours,” returned the spirit, “who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill-will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in our name, who are as strange to us and all our kith and kin, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not us.”

Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, Stave Three (1843)

This seems to me to have been intended by Dickens as a rebuke to some of his peers for caring more about religion than faith, more about the law than love. And the rebuke rings true today, 180 years later. We are so capable of following rules without thinking about the consequences on others, on doing what seems right on the outside but which is rotten and uncaring on the inside. The same anger that Jesus expresses for hypocrites in the gospels (“I never knew you”, among other, even harsher words) is what is coming through here, or perhaps an echo of one of the start of one of the most-read Bible passages at weddings:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13 v 1, NIV translation

Whether Scrooge brought the question up because he cared or because he wanted to score points against a being that was dragging him around London in his dressing gown is certainly up for interpretation, but the point of the Spirit’s reply is not. Our actions speak louder than our words – we can claim to be loving, but if what we do does not demonstrate love, why bother?

People (including me – I am pretty sure I count in the category of people) can do many things in the name of God, or any deity, or British values, or common decency, or national pride, or professional standards or whatever it may be. But if those actions and their consequences hurt others, then that is on us and nobody else. We can dress up hatred by saying it is God’s will or what is right for the country or not a situation our code of conduct covers. But it is still hatred. We can justify cruelty in the name of the national interest, but it is still cruelty. We can stay silent or look the other way or implicitly condone abuse. And no matter how we try to justify it by appeal to some other authority, it comes down to us – these are our words and our actions or inactions. Our own.

Charge my doings on myself. Not on the British government, or whatever our system of values is supposed to be. Not on the church or on God. Not on my profession or my employer. On me. When I get it wrong (which I do), it’s on me. The Spirit’s rebuke made me think about this and have made me more determined to check my motives and my actions. And I felt I needed to write it down as well.

2024
01/03
CATEGORY
Christianity
Plays
Theatre
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Saying the words


I’m gay.

Two words, very easy to type. In theory very easy to say. And yet not. 

I have known I’m gay for at least 25 years, but it has taken a very long time for me to get anywhere near to saying it openly. Until recently, I had told very few people indeed. Over the past year or so, I have tried to hint – for example, I often wear a ring with Pride stripes – but these hints have apparently been far too subtle!

A pair of trainers with rainbow stripes on them resembling the Pride flag.
The shoes I wear have come to have some level of meaning on occasion. These are less subtle than the ring!

Some people moan about others coming out: “why do they have to tell everyone?” And I get it. My sexuality makes zero difference to most people. The only folks who should be in any way affected are those who have any interest in romantic or physical intimacy with me. For the vast majority of the population, my sexual identity does not affect their life one bit. So why tell anyone? And why say it now in such a public way? I will try to explain. But warning, this will get rambling and may not actually answer the question. So feel free to bail on this post now.

The past and the present

This is not something new. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I am gay, and much longer to accept that this is not something that is wrong with me. And this meant that for a long time, telling anyone felt like a confession, an admission of some sort of failure or wrongdoing. Now, it is still oddly scary to share this truth, but as I have gradually spoken to or messaged people, it has felt like a heavy load is being lifted.

I am from the British generation that grew up under Section 28, which was in force from the time I was 10 years old until after I finished secondary education. Under this rule, local authorities (including schools) were banned from promoting homosexuality (whatever ‘promoting homosexuality’ means) and particularly prohibited from teaching the “acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”. There was to be silence on all such matters. But the thing is, we knew this was a rule. It wasn’t as though Section 28 meant that kids didn’t know homosexuality existed. Rather, it meant that we knew we weren’t allowed to be told about it, and therefore surely it must be incredibly wrong. Can you imagine how that would make a young person who suspected that there was even a chance they might be attracted to people of the same sex feel?

Now, I see this idea coming back. Most notably in the USA, where various states are seeing a move to ban even the mention of homosexuality in schools. This is often under the guise of protecting the kids. The frankly ridiculous notion that having an awareness that gay people exist will suddenly make them gay. Knowing how Section 28 affected my generation (all of us, regardless of sexual orientation), this worries me greatly. The rapid erosion of rights of and respect for trans people which we are also seeing is even more concerning.

And then there’s religion. I grew up in a Christian home. My parents never forced me to believe or to follow, I made that choice myself in my teenage years. I don’t think I knew until I went to university that “the church” viewed homosexuality as wrong, but it was certainly made abundantly clear then. The first people I “came out” to were Christian friends at university, and that was partly because I thought this was something that needed to be fixed or somehow dealt with, perhaps to be prayed away. To their credit, the friends I told did not alter their opinion of me at all, and although I soon learned that conversion therapy existed, nobody tried to make me do it.

Much more recently, I moved from one church to another. There were many reasons for this. One was that I wanted to find somewhere that would be accepting and affirming of all, regardless of sexual or gender identity (or anything else). I am glad to say that I have found such a place. And yet… I have been going there for quite some time now, and until the last month or so, could count the number of people there who knew I am gay on one hand. I knew that there would be no judgement, no suggestion that this should be covered up or frowned upon, and yet I still did not feel able to say the words. 

I used to believe that my sexuality was something that can be changed, even something that should be changed, and I know I would find many who would agree with that position. But I don’t see things that way any longer. I know it is not a choice and view it as part of the person I am, an intrinsic part of how I am made.

Over the last year, I have started to attend a monthly Open Table service. These services are run by and for LGBTQ+ people, their loved ones and their allies, and they welcome everyone. Although I have been terrible at getting to know people there, I have found these services very helpful. And in sharing on social media that I have been attending, I made a small attempt at being more open.

I do theatre. Mostly musical theatre. In theory at least, one of the environments where gender and sexual diversity are most accepted. And yet, even in that circle, most people don’t know. If they have guessed, they certainly haven’t said anything to me. Sometimes, I wish I had a less stereotypically gay hobby (passion?), as it worries me that the stereotype puts straight men off being involved with theatre, but it gives me joy, so what does it matter? 

I am single and have been single for a long time. So does my sexuality really make any difference to my life? Yes. Yes, it does make a difference. The words I hear, the things I see, the way I feel about myself, these are all affected by my sexuality and, crucially, by others’ reactions to sexuality in general. But they are also affected by my faith, my political viewpoint, my health and so much more. The fact that I’m gay is a part of me, and a part of me I no longer want to conceal, but it is not the whole of me. No person should be defined simply by one aspect of their self. I am gay. I am a Christian. I am an actor who sings. I am a librarian. I am a storyteller. I am many other things besides.

Saying it

Does all of this start to explain why I’m speaking up now? Why I’m “coming out” in my mid 40s? Possibly not. Perhaps it can’t really be explained. Part of it is this: the world feels like it is getting a bit darker at the moment. Intolerance and hatred are rising. We see it most blatantly across the Atlantic, where laws are being enacted to clamp down on the rights of those whose gender or sexual identities don’t fit the traditional narrative. But over here in Britain, it is happening too. Newspapers, politicians and public figures seem to be emboldened to speak out against the “other”. To blame societal problems on those who don’t speak, look or act like the norm. Whether that be immigrants, transgender people or people who, like me, are gay. 

It felt that continuing to hide who I am is no longer possible. Now is the time that I need to speak up and say that I exist, that my dignity is equal to everyone else, and that those with fewer rights than me deserve to be lifted up, not beaten down. I do envy the younger generations who seem able to say these things much more easily – that they can is definitely an encouraging sign that things have moved forward, and more reason to be determined that things should not move backwards again.

I am also aware that there have been times when how I have chosen to deal with my sexuality, or rather how I have chosen not to deal with it, has hurt people. Hopefully, being “out” means I can’t do that again. And times when knowing this about me might change your understanding of things that I say.

Less nobly, keeping a secret is hard. Keeping something bottled up inside takes effort. At times, it can be exhausting. And I have realised that this is a secret that doesn’t need to be kept and a truth that doesn’t need to be bottled up. So for my own sake, I’m not keeping this hidden any longer. It’s hardly going to be the topic of every conversation I have (there are so many other things to talk about!), but it is now a fact that is out there in the light of day.

So. I’m gay. For you, this almost certainly changes nothing. For me, too, nothing changes. But saying it makes all the difference. 

Brave?

I leave you with this video cover of Sara Bareilles’ song Brave, which she wrote in response to a friend struggling to come out. It feels like I have been singing this song to myself for years now – I am finally letting “the words fall out honestly”.

2023
07/09
CATEGORY
Christianity
Ramblings
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The Emperor’s Clothes and a mother’s pride


The Emperor’s Clothes is back on the stage this week. During the lockdown periods, composer Phil and I worked hard to refine and polish the show, and then Phil spent countless hours working on the musical landscape of the piece. We were then approached by Canterbury Operatic Society who asked if they could produce the show, and would we like to direct and musical direct it. We said yes, and many months later, we will be opening tonight at the King’s Hall in Herne Bay. Tickets from Ticketsource or on the door.

The logo for The Emperor’s Clothes – a purple wardrobe on a bright yellow background.

I am so incredibly excited about this production. Seeing our work come alive again, with a bigger cast and bigger stage, is thrilling. And I have been able to put my own spin on how this musical world looks and feels. One of my favourite moments was seeing a coat stand be transformed into a lamppost, retaining the essence of both identities and looking incredible.

My one sadness is that my mum won’t be there to see it. My family and many of my friends and colleagues are incredibly supportive of what I do on stage, and have seen countless productions over the years. My mum became well known to front of house staff as well. She would always get a programme and make a point of turning to the page where I was featured to tell them “that’s my son!” It did not matter whether they would be people who would know me or not, they got told anyway. Other family members and housemates have told me that this would continue once she took her seat. Whoever she was sitting next to, or behind, or in front of, would know that her son was in the show. And a great many people in my home town who had never met me knew exactly who I was due to being shown the programmes by a very proud mother.

When Legacy Performers produced the show in 2020, my mum and dad were not able to attend. Mum was too unwell to travel and by this time Dad was her full-time carer. She did get to see me as Henry Higgins in Spring 2019, definitely a good last show to see! Due to a combination of deafness and the early symptoms of dementia, I am not even sure to what extent Mum even knew I had co-written a show. She never forgot that I do theatre, but the details became hazy.

And now she is no longer with us. In a strange twist of fate, I learned that the Society were definitely going ahead with the show within 24 hours of my mum’d death. She was given an incredible send-off, where I met some of the people who only knew me as “Barbara’s son who does the shows”. My dad and my sister are both coming down to support the show, as are many friends and colleagues. But mum’s absence will be felt.

However… I don’t know how the afterlife works, and I assume that all depictions in art, music, literature and film are very wrong. But if any of our notions of our loved ones watching what we get up to are true, I know my mum will be very busy right now. Somewhere, whether it is up there or out there, a group of souls or angels or both will be gathering. They will be assuring Mum that their eyes are glued to the King’s Hall. And every one of them will smile when she says, no doubt many times, “that’s my son. He write this. That’s my son!”

This one’s for you, Mum. If you are somehow able to watch this, I hope you enjoy.

2023
04/13
CATEGORY
Musicals
Ramblings
Writing
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If These Books Could Talk (a poem)


I am the fruit of knowledge and experience,

The product of months and years,

Of pain and joy and toil and tears.

I am coloured by a worldview that is my own, 

Shared by no other.

I am built from mistakes and reflection,

From failures and mis-steps and triumphs,

Perhaps I am even built from wisdom.

Alone, I cannot give you these things.

Knowledge, experience, skill are not mine to bestow.

But together. Ah, together!

A meeting of minds, in the moment, or across the years.

A new construction. 

My words meet your thoughts.

My worldview blends with yours.

There is work involved, but also reward.

I cannot give you knowledge or understanding,

But I can advise and guide the way.

Take what I give and forge your own path.

Bring your experience, passions, skills.

Use your mistakes, triumphs, failures.

Then…

Knowledge, understanding, perhaps even wisdom.

Not mine to give. 

But yours to build on, and yours to surpass.

This is a poem which I wrote back in 2018, in response to a poetry symposium held on campus called Poetic Nursing Heart. I attended the first (and indeed subsequent) symposium, where I heard from nursing students and staff about their philosophy, concerns and joys through the medium of poetry. I also shared some of my own poetry, from the perspective of a mental health service user (you can find some of that on this very blog), but I wanted to respond in a different way. So I wrote these words, in theory from the perspective of our books, but showing some of how I feel about my role as well.

This is also a handy moment to be able to say that I’ve started a YouTube channel to share some of my writing and singing (at least, I don’t think I’ve already mentioned it). Here’s the poem as uploaded to YouTube – and please do check out some of my other videos there as well, while I experiment with how to do the YouTube thing.

2022
02/01
CATEGORY
Library
Poem
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Hero of the café – a (very) short story


It was a typically dull morning in the café when Les’ shift started. It may as well have been copied and pasted from the day before and the day before that. Arnold the chef told Les that the usual crowd were there, doing their usual thing and having their usual breakfast. Gary was reading the Sun and enjoying the vegan special. Occasionally he’d comment on some news story or other, never minding the deafening silence each comment received. Matilda was people-watching, or rather she would have been people-watching if anyone was actually doing anything. Just the cup of coffee for her, which she would eke out as long as possible, not saying a single word. Amal was catching up on emails over his toast. The only thing that distracted him from the screen was adding just that little bit more butter to the slice. And Elizabeth, as always, was tucking in to a full English. No distractions for her – the food occupied every ounce of her attention.

Perhaps it was the sense of banal repetition which caused it. Perhaps Arnold wasn’t paying attention. Or perhaps Les had put things away in the wrong place. Whatever it was, the oil caught fire, and the flames soon began to spread. It took a while for Les to notice, despite there being literally nothing else to capture their attention. But the flames were there, visible through the glass window in the kitchen door, and Les raised the alarm. Les’ cry drew everyone’s attention away from what they were doing. Amal was set to calling 999 – his phone was already on the table – and Les made sure that everyone else cleared out. Almost everyone, that is. Nobody noticed one customer as they grabbed a handy item and headed towards the kitchen…

Later, when the smoke had cleared, Les sat with Arnold as he explained to the fire fighters why they hadn’t, in the end, had any fire to fight. Drawing a foil blanket around himself to calm his shivers, Arnold told then how he had been rescued from the blazing kitchen by a mysterious person with a bucket over their head. They had burst through the kitchen door, held out their hands and suddenly there was a chill.  The temperature dropped and the flames were doused.

Les glanced over at the café patrons, assuming they would be swapping theories about who could have been under that bucket. But it was not so. Gary seemed despondent that he couldn’t return to his newspaper just yet. Matilda, as ever, was watching everyone else for their reactions rather than offering one of her own. And Elizabeth was sympathising with Amal, who had rather hoped that his swift action in summoning the emergency services would be the most heroic thing to happen that morning.

A strange lack of curiosity, Les thought. Whoever had been under that bucket, Arnold owed them his life. However, none of the regulars really talked about anything important – this wasn’t a secret they would learn easily. But looking over once more, Les thought they could see a flicker of an amused smile on Matilda’s face. Could it be?

The end. Or the beginning.

Why this story?

In the summer of 2020 (doesn’t that seem like an age ago?), I took part in NODA’s first ever online theatre summer school. For most of the week, I was learning about backstage roles in the theatre, mostly stage management and costume. But one of the optional workshops I attended for this revolved around storytelling, run by Sarah Osborne. In this workshop, we were given a random genre, setting, item and twist, and had a short time to write a story. No time for second-guessing ourselves, just put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and go. My random items were:

  • Genre: Drama
  • Setting: A café
  • Item: A bucket
  • Twist: Someone has a super-power

What you have read here is the result, edited very lightly since.

2022
01/04
CATEGORY
Writing
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Oh, yes I did!


This year, for the first time since 2010, I was in a panto with Gingercow Theatrical Productions, and I had an absolute ball. This was special, for a whole bunch of reasons. Getting back on stage for the first time since pandemic ended plays was a thrill, and we could tell that audiences were as pleased as us to be back watching live theatre. And I have long wanted to return to pantomime, so it was brilliant to get the chance to be a meanie in Jack and the Beanstalk.

A green flyer with a bold title in yellow - Jack and the Beanstalk. A subtitle is on a wooden-effect frame - the gigantic family pantomime.
Our flyer

I don’t seem to play nice people very often any more, but that’s OK – nasty people can be much more interesting! My role was Baron Waysland. The main purpose of the character is to make sure that Jack and his mother need to pay their rent and therefore sell their cow – basically, to make sure that the beanstalk bit of the story happens. But I had plenty to do throughout, acting as an unwanted admirer to Dame Trott, generally annoying everyone and getting to sing the wonderful “You’ll Be Back” from Hamilton. A wonderful song, which I milked for all it was worth. It’s Panto after all – the audiences would be disappointed if we didn’t ham it up! I grew my beard long for the role and spent some time carefully brushing grey facepaint through it. Not my most handsome look, certainly, but just right for the character.

A man wearing a brocaded jacket. He has a bushy grey beard.
Baron Buster Waysland

Pantomime is important, because it is often a child’s first experience of live theatre (we know we had several young audience members who this was true for) and it brings a real sense of community. Performing in village halls leant a sense of togetherness and warmth to the whole thing which could have been missing in a smaller venue. And in the dark times we are living through, it is wonderful to be able to escape for a couple of hours, laugh and be released from inhibitions. In pantomime, you can boo the baddies and cheer the heroes. In real life, cheering doesn’t always help, and we often have no chance to let baddies know how we feel. For me, as well, the rehearsals were a much-needed oasis of sheer joy in my week. During those times, work did not exist, my mental health did not exist, the world outside did not exist. Just a bunch of bizarre people, lots of laughter and a clear victory of good over evil. And really, I could not have asked for more.

2021
12/31
CATEGORY
Theatre
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Busting terrible information


As a librarian, information is my “thing”. The teaching that I do is as much about evaluating sources of information as it is about finding them. And so, I find bad information, fake news and misleading social media posts to be really irritating.

I see a lot of bad information and fake news on Facebook, but I don’t always challenge it. That would be a full-time job. But this morning, I did challenge something, because it was particularly ridiculous.

A laptop computer displaying a web page with the word "Fake News" as the banner.
Fake News Media. Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay 

I am not going to share the post that wound me up, because I don’t want to propagate it further, hence the “fake news” image. It consisted of a bar graph showing “Disease deaths per day worldwide”. COVID-19 is a way down the image with a figure of 56. An arrow points to it with text reading “THIS is what collapsed the world economy”. Alarm bells rang instantly, and a couple of other people had commented on the post already asking when it was from. The person who had shared it did not know, so I thought I’d do some digging.

First, I took a look at the reported deaths from COVID-19. Statista gave a figure of 757, 471 deaths to 14th August. The WHO has a slightly lower figure of 757,154. If you divide this by the number of days in the year so far, you get either 3,194 or 3,196 deaths per day. Incidentally, this is higher than any of the other figures on the viral post (the highest is tuberculosis, with 3,014). Even if you assume no more deaths will occur for the rest of the year, it would still work out as over 2,000 per day, around the same as the figure for malaria.

This did not answer the question of when the figure of 56 deaths per day worldwide would be from. So I took a look back, using the WHO’s daily situation reports. There are, of course, issues with these reports, as different countries report in slightly different ways with different lengths of delay, but they are the best data I had to work with. According to the WHO, at the end of February, there had been a total of 86 deaths reported worldwide, but by end of March it was over 36,000 and worked out at 400 per day. The last day that I went to work on campus was 18th March, a week before the UK’s national lockdown. I did the calculation for that date – 100 per day. By my reckoning, the last possible date when the figure could have been true would have been 15th March.

I then grew curious about the other figures given in the viral post. Were they accurate. The first alarm bell is that most of these sorts of figures are only available retrospectively – there are very few diseases for which anyone keeps a daily global tally. Generally, such statistics are collated and released after year end. So it seemed unlikely that they were up-to-date stats from 2020. But were they accurate at all?

Surprisingly, yes. I did a few spot checks on the higher totals by finding reported yearly deaths from various diseases and dividing those totals by the number of days in that year. They checked out, roughly. I wasn’t able to identify the exact year in most cases, but they were in the right ball park.

But then I looked further down the list at the diseases with lower figures than COVID-19 and found SARS was listed there. I was fairly confident that there has not been a SARS outbreak recently, but wanted to be sure, so I checked the WHO, the CDC and a number of other sources. Indeed, no outbreak since 2004. The low figure given did match up to the 2002-2003 outbreak, but at this point it was clear that the data was a complete hodge-podge from different years and not worth anyone’s time.

My Facebook friend who shared the post had done it with the best of intentions – to spark a debate about whether it was accurate. But it still concerns me when such obviously bad information is shared, hence not sharing or linking to it here.

I would agree that there are numerous issues with COVID-19 data, particularly how it is counted and categorised, and there are absolutely arguments to be had about the economic impact of measures against COVID-19, not to mention education, societal and mental health impacts. But these figures were not the way to do it.

2020
08/15
CATEGORY
Library
Ramblings
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Still a librarian


These are, to say the least, uncertain times. I am one of the lucky ones, at least so far, but the COVID-19 pandemic has certainly affected me.

The Singing Librarian at work
The Singing Librarian at work in more normal times

Like all libraries in the UK, mine is now closed. The doors are shut for an unspecified (and unspecefiable) amount of time, the study spaces are unoccupied and the books remain untouched on the shelf. And yet, the library is open. As much as we possibly can, we have moved online. And many of the things which make the library a library are still there. Services, resources, support. And most importantly, people. That’s all still there. It’s just that “there” has a different meaning.

When I have told people I’m working from home, to a pretty normal pattern of hours, some have been confused. How can a librarian possibly work from home? I would say that a library needs librarians (in the broadest sense), otherwise it’s just a building full of books, but a librarian doesn’t need a physical library. However much we might love it and miss it and long to get back to it.

So, what do I do from home? For some of the time, the answer is the same as for everyone else who has had to move what they’d normally do face-to-face into the online world. Grapple with technology. Manage the flood of notifications. Say “yes, we can hear you” many times a day. But beyond that, what can I do? I can support, I can advise and I can teach.

Support. The library already provides online guidance, but this has become more important than ever. So a good chunk of my time has been spent creating additional guidance for those students and staff who are working off campus for the first time. Reassurance, instructions, information. I have also begun informing different subjects about the resources available electronically, including some which have been made available temporarily during the pandemic.

Advise. I can answer queries. A trickle at first, as everyone had other things on their mind. But a steady stream now, and no doubt a torrent eventually. The usual sorts of questions I would get in the library, just answered by email, through Skype calls, or (after carefully blocking my caller ID, as I don’t have a work phone when at home) by telephone. It takes longer, particularly for telephone calls where neither of us can see the other’s screen. But this essential part of my role remains essentially unchanged.

Teach. Universities across the world have been plunged into an online-only model of teaching and learning for the time being. The three I work for are included in this. I had some teaching planned in for the coming weeks, and am in the process of taking what I would have taught face-to-face and seeing how I can teach this electronically. This is not a simple process, as simply recording a video lecture and telling the students to watch it isn’t really teaching. I have to think about what I want students to learn, how this can best be achieved, and how to engage with the students as people.

Soon, I will be able to get to some of the routine things – making sure our book budget gets spent (on ebooks, obviously!), maintaining online platforms etc. Hopefully do some CPD. Develop our online guidance in a more planned way rather than just reacting. Write a journal article. For now, the most urgent things are the only things getting done. And that’s fine. Everything is taking longer, so I am being kind to myself and just getting done what I can get done. The rest can wait. I’m not going anywhere. Nor is anyone else. But it is good to know that I can be a librarian from home just as much as I can in a library.

2020
03/25
CATEGORY
Library
Ramblings
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Reflecting on The Emperor’s Clothes


So, it has been a week since we closed the wardrobe doors for the time being, and stowed a tremendous variety of clothing items away after the final performance of the debut production of The Emperor’s Clothes. I have come back down to Earth after a tremendous post-production high, and therefore I feel I can write about the experience.

A blue wardrobe with a yellow interior. The clothes inside show the title The Emperor's Clothes.

It was magical. Absolutely magical. No theatrical experience I have had can compare to experiencing an audience reacting to something you have created. Hearing people laugh at jokes or funny moments I dreamed up, or hearing the (sometimes incredibly sustained) applause following my friend and colleague Phil Hornsey’s songs was thrilling. Seeing the characters take three-dimensional form and continue to grow over the five performances, and experiencing the amazing company spirit from everyone involved was heart-warming as well.

The audience reaction was phenomenal, beyond anything I could have expected, and we are quite determined to take this show (and specifically Legacy Performers’ production of it) further.

But first, we need to reflect. The saying “Plays are not written, they’re rewritten” is attributed to 19th-century actor/playwright Dion Boucicault. And it is certainly true of The Emperor’s Clothes. The script that was performed was at least the third complete draft, and won’t be the last. We now have a much better idea of what plays well and what doesn’t, which moments land with an audience, which don’t, and which could if they were set up differently. So the rewrite pencils need to come out. Thankfully, we don’t think we need to do major surgery, just a few nips and tucks. Mostly because the show needs to run a bit shorter, so we need to shave off 10 or 15 minutes. We know the songs all work, though we may trim one or two reprises. The majority of the editing needs to be from the book.

So how will I go about that. In a few ways.

First, repetition – experiencing the show with an audience made me spot areas of repetition which read throughs and rehearsals simply didn’t highlight. There are a few things which we get told twice. So my job is to work out which telling is funnier or more essential to the characters. The other one will need to go.

Second – unnecessary utterances. Looking back over the script, I can now see lines which really serve no purpose. They don’t advance the plot, set up a laugh or expand the characters. So they can go.

Third, pace. We can review the recording we made of the show (for our own purposes) and see where the pace flags. The director and performers did an excellent job of maintaining energy, so any flagging in pace is likely to indicate that the script could be tightened.

Finally, being brutal and asking the question of “do we really need this?” Some exchanges are there because they’ve always been there, but do they still need to be? Or they were written to serve a particular purpose in drawing the characters, but that purpose may now have been answered somewhere else. For example, during the first act we make sure that the audience really doesn’t like one particular character – he is consistently unpleasant to other characters (other than the Emperor) and even if he doesn’t do anything technically villainous, he makes himself very easy to dislike. But do we need every instance of this? Are some of them overkill, or have we got just the right amount of nasty?

Editing is going to be tricky, but ultimately rewarding if we can make this piece (described to me by one enthusiastic audience member as “a gem”) eve better. I would not have missed the Emperor’s experience for anything, which was as much to do with the talented and lovely group of people who came together for it, and it is certainly not going to be the last time my work gets performed.

Onwards and upwards!

2020
03/09
CATEGORY
Musicals
Ramblings
Theatre
Writing
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Weaving the Emperor’s clothes


I don’t have words to describe how exciting today is. I will soon be leaving the house to go and help get the set and costumes in to the theatre for a show. Not exactly unusual for me, you might think. But this time, it’s a new show which will debut on 28th February at the Arden Theatre in Faversham. And I wrote it!

A blue wardrobe with a yellow interior. The clothes inside show the title The Emperor's Clothes.

Back in 2017, my good friend Phil Hornsey (composer, choir master, musical director and all-round excellent person) asked me to be involved with workshopping some songs for a new show he was working on, based on the fairy tale of The Emperor’s New Clothes. A few months later, he asked if I could help him with the book (musical theatre-speak for the script), and eventually the book became my thing. I was (and am) so honoured to be asked – the score for this show is, if I may say so, amazing. “A Thousand Footsteps” in particular needs to be heard by as many people as possible – it’s a real stunner.

Now, three years later, we are fast approaching opening night. We held a workshop of a few scenes in the summer of 2017. We then deleted two characters (one was particularly sad to lose as they had some funny lines which we had no way to give to anyone else), and developed it as a show for seven performers, each playing a main role and doubling as a member of the Emperor’s court. We lost the New from the title of the show, as it really is about all of the Emperor’s clothes, not just his new ones. We held a road-through which helped us get to grips with the trickiest characters. And now here we are. With five performances this coming weekend, our show is being brought to life by ten amazing performers, plus the usual small army of musicians, backstage crew, technical wizards and front of house staff.

As I write, about 250 people have booked their tickets to come and see the show, and we’ve had a great reaction to the teaser videos we have put out, even with my very basic video creation skills!

Teaser video 3: “Everyone Knows” (Music & Lyrics by Phil Hornsey).

Seeing these characters come to life, having spent years developing them, is a very special feeling. Which is why I am brimming with excitement (with grace notes of terror) to start getting the set in place. Some brilliant people have helped us out by designing and constructing a centre-piece wardrobe, and our poor producer has tracked down what feels like every possible item of yellow clothing (there’s a reason for that).

I plain to write more about this experience over the next week or so, but for now here are some links:

2020
02/24
CATEGORY
Musicals
Ramblings
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